Lately, I've been thinking about the story of Jonah from the Old Testament mostly because I have really felt like Jonah lately with my new calling in my ward. When I read the story of Jonah in the past, I always wondered why Jonah, who was called to be a prophet of God, would run away. I mean, he's a prophet. At that point in his relationship with God I'm sure he had a clearer vision of what he's supposed to be doing and what the Lord has in mind for His people. Yet he still ran away.
I have pondered on why he ran away. The scriptures say that Jonah ran away because he felt the people of Nineveh were too wicked to be preached to, but I think this was an excuse for his real reason. I'm wondering if his reason was an internal one like maybe he was scared to preach since he was slow of speech like Moses or Enoch. Or perhaps he was afraid that he would fail at converting people?
Without going into too much detail due to privacy, I'll share my story to try to give another meaning to the story of Jonah. I, too, have been called of God only I'm a leader in my ward. And I, too, was asked to do something in my calling that I really did not want to do. However, I didn't blame the task for being so troublesome. Actually, the thought of doing this particular thing caused a lot of physical and emotional problems; I couldn't sleep well, I'm pretty sure I had a migraine due to this, and I was just angry and frustrated because it takes a lot of courage and energy for me to go through with type of action. Not only that, my prayers became strained because of my attitude. My coordinating leader was baffled at my behavior and comments I made to them because I was being a stick in the mud about this whole situation and just an overall punk. At one point, they asked what was going on, and I finally admitted that I struggle with doing this particular task.
We decided that since I already had a number of things on my plate, that I would essentially have the option of doing this particular task along side my coordinating leader. I was pretty relieved and thrilled about that. After this phone conversation, I ironically showered. I felt so relieved and stinky after having sweated and cried out my problem, that I needed to shower. And while I was in the shower, I had a little conversation with God that went something like this (By the way, I don't normally pray in the shower, but kind of felt like doing this at the time because I didn't want to stop to pray when I needed desperately needed to shower):
"Neener neener. I win. I have the option of doing this...See I don't really have to do this...Okay, I might do this, but I was told to focus on the other things on my plate...How about we'll see how things go over the next couple of days..."
Once my attitude kind of changed and I became more receptive to the Spirit, I think Heavenly Father found the perfect opportunity to put me in my place. As I was getting out of the shower, a thought came to mind, "You need to do this. I will go before your face; I will be on your right hand and on your left hand." It was the nicest rebuking I've ever received, and I started to cry once more because of the overwhelming feeling of love. I felt incredibly empowered at this moment in my calling because I had that clear vision of what He needed. I knew that I could do it, and I did do this task, and it actually wasn't that horrible at all.
I guess my point is that rather than having to suffer through things on your own or trying to run away that it's so much easier to rely on God throughout the entire process instead. I'm pretty sure that had I been more vocal about my problems with my coordinating leader and with God, that I wouldn't have had to sit in the belly of a whale for a couple of days.
And my other thought from this experience is that I have more respect for leaders in the Church now who have difficult tasks to do ALL the time.
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