39 Weeks

   This last weekend I had my baby shower!  I had a lovely group of friends who supported me, and attended my "Little Boy Blue" themed shower.  The party was darling.  My wonderful host took some pictures of me (at 38 weeks pregnant) after the shower, too. Here are a few photos:

Oh man, I feel so heavy in front sometimes!  I don't feel like I have enough space to contain my baby boy!  

I don't feel that my belly is THAT big until I look at this picture.  Change of perspective! 

I was reading a journal entry from when I was twenty weeks pregnant, and I thought it was funny that I wrote that I sometimes feel pregnant, but I don't always feel pregnant... Well, at 39 weeks, I definitely feel pregnant.

     I had written on the topic of my being overwhelmed with the idea of becoming a parent on Facebook several days ago, and I deleted that post soon after because I didn't purposely seek out confirmation that I would be a good parent, which was nice and very supportive, but rather, I just wanted my feelings to be understood/heard (ya know, all that teenage stuff we never grow out of).  I wanted to relate to others, not get a pat on the back so to speak. Becoming a parent is a huge step in life, and it feels overwhelming sometimes to make that change and have that change within a moment.  I guess this change I could best relate it to is the day I got married.  

   I had an idea of what I was getting into when I got married-- share my life with someone I loved, but I didn't know how much it would change me.  I didn't know how hard it would be to bare my soul to someone, but how relieving it would feel to do so especially to someone who feels the same way about me that I do about him.  I didn't know that I could be so frustrated with my husband at one minute, but then have the deepest feelings of love towards him the next minute.  I didn't know how good it would feel to be comfortable in silence with someone else.  I feel so blessed to have had these last five--almost six years--of marriage to learn and grow with Greg.  I can't imagine "growing up" with anyone else.  And I am glad for the chance to really get acquainted with myself and with Greg even though waiting to become a mother was difficult for me.

   I know motherhood is a new way to really learn about yourself, and will give you more opportunity to grow.  I just don't know how I will grow or react to new situations, and I guess that is the scary part.  But having the opportunity to watch and learn from so many wonderful mothers out there gives me hope.  I find myself excited to see myself grow and stretch into a *hopefully* better person, and I find myself ready to watch and learn how my husband grows, too.            

   So anyway, I'm sorry for the confusion at my writing the other day, and again, I truly do appreciate your support and love... I just felt slightly embarrassed by all of the attention.  

  

  Also, I wanted to include a picture of Greg from five years ago exactly.  Here he is playing Star Craft in a labor and delivery room while our good friend was in the early stages of active labor...  You gotta show your support the best way you can, right??  And Greg was kind enough to play some songs by Jack Johnson on his laptop for our friend while he was playing games with the father-to-be... I'm sure Greg will be very supportive of me while I'm in labor.