Why do people always ask how you are feeling when you're pregnant? But not at any other time during your life? I feel like it's the oddest question to receive. What do you want me to say? Pregnancy sucks. That I'm fine--nothing about pregnancy bothers me. And I always feel like it comes at the wrong point in pregnancy. Talk to me during the first trimester, and I will tell you all the feelings.
I guess this thought comes from the fact that I am carrying a child with a heart abnormality which kind of sucks. And I know people don't realize that they are asking me a dumb question. I know they mean well, but I know they aren't asking about my baby with a heart abnormality.
So how do I honestly feel? Alone. Stressed out and scared for my baby. Nervous about how he'll adjust to being outside of the womb. Annoyed by trips to a hospital that's an hour away with appointments that take forever and end up during Tycho's nap time...*sigh* like I do well with nap time anyway. Frustrated with the lack of control over my life.
Otherwise, my pregnancy is going well. Thanks for asking.
Thursday, April 20, 2017
Monday, April 10, 2017
Just because I'm pregnant, doesn't mean I'm an invalid
I know some of my posts have become rants lately. I apologize.
The title of this post says it all. I may be pregnant, but it doesn't mean that I am unable to do stuff. If I was, I'd ask for help or say something. But when I want to do something myself, I will do that said thing. When I was in second grade, I broke my arm falling off the monkey bars. I got up on my own, and walked over to the teacher on duty and said, "I think I broke my arm," as I held up my clearly bent wrist. I wished so much I have that ability to do that in more cases, but I can't. Another time, I was getting blood work done to see if I was iron-efficient. They did the little finger prick, but when the blood wasn't flowing, the nurse asked to see if I could help by pressing on my finger. As I did, I realized I was going to throw up, and I ran out of the room. I know my limits.
Guys, I'm not saying I want to work out in rice fields every day and eventually go into labor as I'm working out in the fields like O-Lan from the book The Good Earth, but I don't want to be like the woman from the short story The Yellow Wallpaper (yes, I know that this story takes place AFTER she gives birth, but same point), and not be able to lift a damned finger.
Today while seven months pregnant, I moved several pieces of furniture in my son's room (dresser, book case, and chair). I've asked for help in moving other pieces of furniture in his room because I know I can't do it.
The title of this post says it all. I may be pregnant, but it doesn't mean that I am unable to do stuff. If I was, I'd ask for help or say something. But when I want to do something myself, I will do that said thing. When I was in second grade, I broke my arm falling off the monkey bars. I got up on my own, and walked over to the teacher on duty and said, "I think I broke my arm," as I held up my clearly bent wrist. I wished so much I have that ability to do that in more cases, but I can't. Another time, I was getting blood work done to see if I was iron-efficient. They did the little finger prick, but when the blood wasn't flowing, the nurse asked to see if I could help by pressing on my finger. As I did, I realized I was going to throw up, and I ran out of the room. I know my limits.
Guys, I'm not saying I want to work out in rice fields every day and eventually go into labor as I'm working out in the fields like O-Lan from the book The Good Earth, but I don't want to be like the woman from the short story The Yellow Wallpaper (yes, I know that this story takes place AFTER she gives birth, but same point), and not be able to lift a damned finger.
Today while seven months pregnant, I moved several pieces of furniture in my son's room (dresser, book case, and chair). I've asked for help in moving other pieces of furniture in his room because I know I can't do it.
Sunday, March 5, 2017
Keep lunches simple
Last night, I was struggling to get dinner on the table. I thought, "All I am making is soup, bread, and salad. Why is this taking so long, and why is my child yelling at me for the billionth time?" My dinner was really hands on as I decided to make a dinner that I hadn't yet tried making and several items were from scratch. I was pretty bummed to see that my child didn't eat much of this food. Of course, the bread and the salad were a no-go for him. Even though he's one, he should still be interested in trying everything, right?
When I started making lunches for myself while I was in high school, I made a sandwich, threw in a apple and a yogurt, and called it good. Occasionally, I'd make something different. But usually I kept things simple because I didn't have time before I went off to seminary in the morning to make something tastier. I ate everything in my lunch because I was hungry and that's what I had to eat. When I went to university, I started making lunches again for my husband and me. (If I would have been smarter, I would have done leftovers since microwaves were available, but no, I stuck to the sandwich routine.) I added more food than I did in high school because I would be walking long distances, studying (studying always made me hungry), and be away from home for long hours. I look at these lunch box ideas on pinterest and wonder if I would even have the time to make these lunches. Cute sandwich pictures? Kebabs? Salads? As a student, I didn't have time for that. And now as a mom, I find that I don't have time to make in depth meals all the time, and making complicated lunches or meals adds more to my to-do list.
My second thought is do kids even eat all of those foods they have pictured? I love vegetables...after bread, meat, cheese, and fruit. I love vegetables more when they are cooked, and with cold lunches, you don't get the option of throwing tasty vegetables that are cooked. As a kid, I generally didn't even eat the offered the cooked vegetables I got from the school cafeteria... my parents weren't there to make me. I'm not saying give your kids junk food, but give them food they will eat. (If they are going to eat the grape tomatoes then throw them in.) But make your lunch simple. They will know that you love them for making them a sandwich and tossing in a fruit and crackers, AND they won't starve between the time they go to school and the time they return home because you didn't put their sandwich on stick.
In short, save your energy from making complicated lunches and feed them all the cooked vegetables when they return home.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
pregnancy #2, week 20 something
I realized I haven't documented this pregnancy at all on here. Possibly, I have been distracted by a toddler who won't let me type for long on a computer without commandeering it for himself. I've also found myself reading quite a bit because I want to enjoy that time while I can.
We found out that we were pregnant on Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving), and the news was quite exciting. Greg, however, wanted to keep things quiet until we saw our family in December. That was SO hard for me to do! I'm not sure why people want to keep things quiet during the first trimester. I feel my worst during that time, and talking to someone about it makes you feel a little better. We had our first appointment with our midwife on American Thanksgiving, which was quite cool. So this baby is truly our Thanksgiving baby...not that we aren't thankful for Tycho.
We found out last Wednesday that we're having a boy. I thought for sure we were having a girl based on the horrible, horrible morning sickness I had. (The highlights of said morning sickness are throwing up during stake conference and getting to leave early--Greg was SO happy to leave, and at 14 weeks, I got sick in a parking lot right after doing blood work). Although, I did read that drinking cold water only makes your tummy more upset. And during the period of morning sickness I could only drink cold, cold water, however, and I think that may have been a contributing factor. Who knows? I am excited for another boy. I have pretty much all the clothes and such for him, but also, I grew up with a sister, and my husband had all brothers. I like the idea of having same-gendered siblings for kids. (Although, if we have another, I hope for a girl.)
I've been feeling this baby kick up a storm lately, and it warms my heart. I think I first felt him move right around Christmas. That was exciting for me. I've only started to notice the kicking on the outside of the tummy lately, and I find it difficult to determine when he'll be moving so that Tycho or Greg can feel the baby, too.
I remember when I was pregnant with Tycho I did not want citrus at all. I had almost an entire box of clementines that I ended up giving away because they didn't suit me. This pregnancy, I've been down with citrus...in moderation, of course. I've craved is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a glass of milk lately as well as cereal and biscuits and gravy. My guess is I need the calcium. I'm just not big on drinking milk by itself.
The one thing I've been trying to work on is working out. This is so hard to do right around this time of year in Canada! I was quite happy with the fact that I didn't gain weight during the first trimester, but this trimester got me, and I feel the need to move my body. I feel so big already! Where did this belly come from?!
The only downside to this pregnancy is finding out the day following the ultrasound is that we need to go see a specialist because the ultrasound suggested that there's a possible problem with baby's heart. Yay for advanced medicine, but boo to uncertainty and waiting. This appointment was a possibility last week, and then they did schedule it for more than a month from now. Who does that to a pregnant woman?! The anxiety for this appointment was high initially, but it's gradually decreased. (Doesn't mean that I don't have strong words them for keeping me waiting.) They scheduled the appointment so far away because (1) not life-threatening--which is good, but still frustrating to have to wait, and (2) to possibly see the heart a bit better when they have a look at the baby in a month. My one consolation is that Tycho will be teething quite a bit for the next little while. One cuspid on one side won't stand alone for long, right? So you know, I get to deal with his pain, and not think about this appointment.
So anyway, that's what's going on thus far in this pregnancy. I'll update on what's happening to baby next month.
We found out that we were pregnant on Thanksgiving (Canadian Thanksgiving), and the news was quite exciting. Greg, however, wanted to keep things quiet until we saw our family in December. That was SO hard for me to do! I'm not sure why people want to keep things quiet during the first trimester. I feel my worst during that time, and talking to someone about it makes you feel a little better. We had our first appointment with our midwife on American Thanksgiving, which was quite cool. So this baby is truly our Thanksgiving baby...not that we aren't thankful for Tycho.
We found out last Wednesday that we're having a boy. I thought for sure we were having a girl based on the horrible, horrible morning sickness I had. (The highlights of said morning sickness are throwing up during stake conference and getting to leave early--Greg was SO happy to leave, and at 14 weeks, I got sick in a parking lot right after doing blood work). Although, I did read that drinking cold water only makes your tummy more upset. And during the period of morning sickness I could only drink cold, cold water, however, and I think that may have been a contributing factor. Who knows? I am excited for another boy. I have pretty much all the clothes and such for him, but also, I grew up with a sister, and my husband had all brothers. I like the idea of having same-gendered siblings for kids. (Although, if we have another, I hope for a girl.)
I've been feeling this baby kick up a storm lately, and it warms my heart. I think I first felt him move right around Christmas. That was exciting for me. I've only started to notice the kicking on the outside of the tummy lately, and I find it difficult to determine when he'll be moving so that Tycho or Greg can feel the baby, too.
I remember when I was pregnant with Tycho I did not want citrus at all. I had almost an entire box of clementines that I ended up giving away because they didn't suit me. This pregnancy, I've been down with citrus...in moderation, of course. I've craved is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with a glass of milk lately as well as cereal and biscuits and gravy. My guess is I need the calcium. I'm just not big on drinking milk by itself.
The one thing I've been trying to work on is working out. This is so hard to do right around this time of year in Canada! I was quite happy with the fact that I didn't gain weight during the first trimester, but this trimester got me, and I feel the need to move my body. I feel so big already! Where did this belly come from?!
The only downside to this pregnancy is finding out the day following the ultrasound is that we need to go see a specialist because the ultrasound suggested that there's a possible problem with baby's heart. Yay for advanced medicine, but boo to uncertainty and waiting. This appointment was a possibility last week, and then they did schedule it for more than a month from now. Who does that to a pregnant woman?! The anxiety for this appointment was high initially, but it's gradually decreased. (Doesn't mean that I don't have strong words them for keeping me waiting.) They scheduled the appointment so far away because (1) not life-threatening--which is good, but still frustrating to have to wait, and (2) to possibly see the heart a bit better when they have a look at the baby in a month. My one consolation is that Tycho will be teething quite a bit for the next little while. One cuspid on one side won't stand alone for long, right? So you know, I get to deal with his pain, and not think about this appointment.
So anyway, that's what's going on thus far in this pregnancy. I'll update on what's happening to baby next month.
Monday, October 3, 2016
The struggle of getting to know your neighbors
I struggle to fit in, and I'm starting to strongly dislike where I live.
On one hand, for the longest time I struggled to get to know my neighbors with some difficulty because I wasn't a student, I was married (I know that shouldn't make a difference, but in some cases it feels like it does), and I am not from the Middle East (a number of my neighbors still keep to their cultural customs which is nice, but if you aren't from the culture, I feel like I am unsure if I fit in). And then I had Tycho, who opened up a whole new world for me. I thought things would *magically* change for me in my community, but I still struggle to get to know my community.
On one hand, I can finally meet other neighbors with kids without feeling awkward by stalking them outside on the playground. "Hey...not to be creepy, but I saw you outside, and I just wanted to meet you." I totally did that the first summer I was here. On the other hand, I haven't felt close enough to people to actually invite people over... "Hey so I know we just met randomly outside the other day, do you want to come over?"
Yeah, there are community events I could attend, but let's be honest, I have not kept in contact with one single person that also attended those events. Possibly because they are no longer living here, or possibly because they didn't show up to other events...just like me. (I have a kid now, and the food is gross.)
And then there is the other time I crashed my neighbors' Eid party a few weeks ago because I was so sick and tired of feeling like the outsider. "Hey guys, you see me all the time out here on the playground by myself... why don't you ever invite me to join you? Can we be friends even though we are from different backgrounds?" Turns out the awkward situations on the playground were due to the lack of ability to speak English/Arabic. I'm still working on the Arabic.
I still get to meet people because I watch a few of my neighbors' kids, but it is still hard. I guess I am at that point where I care because I have few other things going on in my life like school.
I am hosting a party which even though the party hasn't even happened, the plans have gone badly. First of all, I should have planned this a couple of weeks out, but because I wanted to get this happening sooner and before snow falls, I decided to do it like a week out. And then, the forecast predicted rain, so thought, "how about the community centre?" That was a no go. And there is another community event which is happening around the same time I wanted to host a party, so I thought, "hey maybe we can combine forces." But alas, I was denied. So many hurdles. So I am hosting a pre-cocktail party party before the community event... sans alcohol of course.
I know I am complaining a lot here, but I just feel like giving up.
Okay, I'll admit it. I'm lonely. I want to get to know my community, but it's been so hard.
On one hand, for the longest time I struggled to get to know my neighbors with some difficulty because I wasn't a student, I was married (I know that shouldn't make a difference, but in some cases it feels like it does), and I am not from the Middle East (a number of my neighbors still keep to their cultural customs which is nice, but if you aren't from the culture, I feel like I am unsure if I fit in). And then I had Tycho, who opened up a whole new world for me. I thought things would *magically* change for me in my community, but I still struggle to get to know my community.
On one hand, I can finally meet other neighbors with kids without feeling awkward by stalking them outside on the playground. "Hey...not to be creepy, but I saw you outside, and I just wanted to meet you." I totally did that the first summer I was here. On the other hand, I haven't felt close enough to people to actually invite people over... "Hey so I know we just met randomly outside the other day, do you want to come over?"
Yeah, there are community events I could attend, but let's be honest, I have not kept in contact with one single person that also attended those events. Possibly because they are no longer living here, or possibly because they didn't show up to other events...just like me. (I have a kid now, and the food is gross.)
And then there is the other time I crashed my neighbors' Eid party a few weeks ago because I was so sick and tired of feeling like the outsider. "Hey guys, you see me all the time out here on the playground by myself... why don't you ever invite me to join you? Can we be friends even though we are from different backgrounds?" Turns out the awkward situations on the playground were due to the lack of ability to speak English/Arabic. I'm still working on the Arabic.
I still get to meet people because I watch a few of my neighbors' kids, but it is still hard. I guess I am at that point where I care because I have few other things going on in my life like school.
I am hosting a party which even though the party hasn't even happened, the plans have gone badly. First of all, I should have planned this a couple of weeks out, but because I wanted to get this happening sooner and before snow falls, I decided to do it like a week out. And then, the forecast predicted rain, so thought, "how about the community centre?" That was a no go. And there is another community event which is happening around the same time I wanted to host a party, so I thought, "hey maybe we can combine forces." But alas, I was denied. So many hurdles. So I am hosting a pre-cocktail party party before the community event... sans alcohol of course.
I know I am complaining a lot here, but I just feel like giving up.
Okay, I'll admit it. I'm lonely. I want to get to know my community, but it's been so hard.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
New food rules
I just finished reading the book, "French Kids Eat Everything", and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was inspired by the idea of eating good food for pleasure and making eating a social event.
I've decided to change some things around my house and adapt some of the rules from this book.
1. No grazing. Make a habit of eating real food At The Table! I have found that I have been eating more junk foods and not paying attention to when I'm actually hungry. I'm thrilled to toss out the baby snack foods I bought for Tycho-- and find myself eating, too. No more cheerios. No goldfish crackers. Nada. I'm excited to not carry food with me "just jn case" when I go out for errands. Yes, Tycho will have a snack (and I probably will, too), but it'll be real food and eaten because I'm hungry. It'll also save on the food budget. Double win.
2. Eat food slowly. I've always been a fast eater. I don't know why, but it's like a food eating contest or something. I want to intentionally slow down and enjoy the food and conversation. I've been trying this lately, and I have noticed I'm fuller a lot sooner. Awesome for weight loss!
3. Eat a wider variety of food. I've noticed for a LONG time I've been buying the same foods over and over. So boring. I'm excited to switch things up a little maybe once every couple of weeks. I'm okay making similar meals because I know the recipes, and that helps make cooking faster especially since I am working that'll be easier. Anyway, I'm excited to incorporate leeks, radishes, beets, but not okra, but I'm trying it anyway!
4. Teach Tycho to eat food, not play with it. I'm so tired of his messy his chair! As well as the messy floor around the table! Ugh.
Here's to new and better eating habits!
I've decided to change some things around my house and adapt some of the rules from this book.
1. No grazing. Make a habit of eating real food At The Table! I have found that I have been eating more junk foods and not paying attention to when I'm actually hungry. I'm thrilled to toss out the baby snack foods I bought for Tycho-- and find myself eating, too. No more cheerios. No goldfish crackers. Nada. I'm excited to not carry food with me "just jn case" when I go out for errands. Yes, Tycho will have a snack (and I probably will, too), but it'll be real food and eaten because I'm hungry. It'll also save on the food budget. Double win.
2. Eat food slowly. I've always been a fast eater. I don't know why, but it's like a food eating contest or something. I want to intentionally slow down and enjoy the food and conversation. I've been trying this lately, and I have noticed I'm fuller a lot sooner. Awesome for weight loss!
3. Eat a wider variety of food. I've noticed for a LONG time I've been buying the same foods over and over. So boring. I'm excited to switch things up a little maybe once every couple of weeks. I'm okay making similar meals because I know the recipes, and that helps make cooking faster especially since I am working that'll be easier. Anyway, I'm excited to incorporate leeks, radishes, beets, but not okra, but I'm trying it anyway!
4. Teach Tycho to eat food, not play with it. I'm so tired of his messy his chair! As well as the messy floor around the table! Ugh.
Here's to new and better eating habits!
Friday, June 24, 2016
I'm at my limit...with boundaries for this kid
Lately, I have found myself struggling with keeping my certain boundaries intact with Tycho. I find myself saying, "No, no, no!" in various forms all day, and some days I find myself tired and become casual or relaxed with some of these boundaries. Get stuff out of the cupboard? Sure... go ahead. Let me help you find something. Play with the toilet...well, if he isn't putting his hands inside of the toilet... just kidding.
So I ask myself two questions when it comes to Tycho playing with stuff. Is it dangerous/nasty? And on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it bother me? If it's a 6 or higher, I tend to stop him.
For instance: toilet. Nasty. Bothersome --8. Remove troublesome child away from toilet before he attempts to flush it while I'm using it.
Dial that changes temperature on hot water heater. Taped in place. Dangerous. 10. (Why is it located in a place that kids can touch it easily??)
Pulling my books off of shelf. Not dangerous but a 9 on bothersome scale.
Pulling dishes out of cupboard. Annoyance level depends on how many dishes I have had to wash lately.
Okay maybe I go to far to ask silly questions, but do other moms get tired of saying no? What do you do? Redirect. Explain annoyance or danger?
Greg is much more rigid than I am. No touching the trash can, for instance, whereas I stop him once he sticks his hands in the trash can. I don't want to be off limits, per say, but I do want him to understand that garbage goes in the trash, not his hands. Because I believe he imitates what I am doing...sometimes. (hey he threw his own diaper away the other day...and then pulled it back out of the trash along with other trash...Progress, guys!)
Anyway, what works for you guys and how long does this get- into-everything-including-toilet-phase last for? Also, I know I shouldn't laugh or smile at Tycho as he walks away from his attempts at causing trouble, grinning--'cause he knows he's been caught--but he's so darn cute.
I'm in trouble.
So I ask myself two questions when it comes to Tycho playing with stuff. Is it dangerous/nasty? And on a scale of 1 to 10, how much does it bother me? If it's a 6 or higher, I tend to stop him.
For instance: toilet. Nasty. Bothersome --8. Remove troublesome child away from toilet before he attempts to flush it while I'm using it.
Dial that changes temperature on hot water heater. Taped in place. Dangerous. 10. (Why is it located in a place that kids can touch it easily??)
Pulling my books off of shelf. Not dangerous but a 9 on bothersome scale.
Pulling dishes out of cupboard. Annoyance level depends on how many dishes I have had to wash lately.
Okay maybe I go to far to ask silly questions, but do other moms get tired of saying no? What do you do? Redirect. Explain annoyance or danger?
Greg is much more rigid than I am. No touching the trash can, for instance, whereas I stop him once he sticks his hands in the trash can. I don't want to be off limits, per say, but I do want him to understand that garbage goes in the trash, not his hands. Because I believe he imitates what I am doing...sometimes. (hey he threw his own diaper away the other day...and then pulled it back out of the trash along with other trash...Progress, guys!)
Anyway, what works for you guys and how long does this get- into-everything-including-toilet-phase last for? Also, I know I shouldn't laugh or smile at Tycho as he walks away from his attempts at causing trouble, grinning--'cause he knows he's been caught--but he's so darn cute.
I'm in trouble.
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