Understanding Jonah

    Lately, I've been thinking about the story of Jonah from the Old Testament mostly because I have really felt like Jonah lately with my new calling in my ward.  When I read the story of Jonah in the past, I always wondered why Jonah, who was called to be a prophet of God, would run away.  I mean, he's a prophet.  At that point in his relationship with God I'm sure he had a clearer vision of what he's supposed to be doing and what the Lord has in mind for His people.  Yet he still ran away.

   I have pondered on why he ran away.  The scriptures say that Jonah ran away because he felt the people of Nineveh were too wicked to be preached to, but I think this was an excuse for his real reason. I'm wondering if his reason was an internal one like maybe he was scared to preach since he was slow of speech like Moses or Enoch.  Or perhaps he was afraid that he would fail at converting people?

  Without going into too much detail due to privacy, I'll share my story to try to give another meaning to the story of Jonah.  I, too, have been called of God only I'm a leader in my ward.  And I, too, was asked to do something in my calling that I really did not want to do. However, I didn't blame the task for being so troublesome.  Actually, the thought of doing this particular thing caused a lot of physical and emotional problems; I couldn't sleep well, I'm pretty sure I had a migraine due to this, and I was just angry and frustrated because it takes a lot of courage and energy for me to go through with type of action.  Not only that, my prayers became strained because of my attitude.  My coordinating leader was baffled at my behavior and comments I made to them because I was being a stick in the mud about this whole situation and just an overall punk.  At one point, they asked what was going on, and I finally admitted that I struggle with doing this particular task.  

  We decided that since I already had a number of things on my plate, that I would essentially have the option of doing this particular task along side my coordinating leader.  I was pretty relieved and thrilled about that.  After this phone conversation, I ironically showered.  I felt so relieved and stinky after having sweated and cried out my problem, that I  needed to shower.  And while I was in the shower, I had a little conversation with God that went something like this (By the way, I don't normally pray in the shower, but kind of felt like doing this at the time because I didn't want to stop to pray when I needed desperately needed to shower):

  "Neener neener.  I win.  I have the option of doing this...See I don't really have to do this...Okay, I might do this, but I was told to focus on the other things on my plate...How about we'll see how things go over the next couple of days..."

  Once my attitude kind of changed and I became more receptive to the Spirit, I think Heavenly Father found the perfect opportunity to put me in my place.  As I was getting out of the shower, a thought came to mind, "You need to do this.  I will go before your face; I will be on your right hand and on your left hand."  It was the nicest rebuking I've ever received, and I started to cry once more because of the overwhelming feeling of love.  I felt incredibly empowered at this moment in my calling because I had that clear vision of what He needed.  I knew that I could do it, and I did do this task, and it actually wasn't that horrible at all.

  I guess my point is that rather than having to suffer through things on your own or trying to run away that it's so much easier to rely on God throughout the entire process instead.  I'm pretty sure that had I been more vocal about my problems with my coordinating leader and with God, that I wouldn't have had to sit in the belly of a whale for a couple of days.

  And my other thought from this experience is that I have more respect for leaders in the Church now who have difficult tasks to do ALL the time.      

 


 

28 weeks!

     I attended a prenatal class a couple of weeks ago where we discussed the signs and symptoms of each stage of labor and then viewed a video on labor.  I, along with a few other ladies, were just asking ourselves "Why did I get pregnant?!  I don't want to push a baby out of me!!" But I know that going through the labor will be so worth it. I can't tell you how excited I am to be in the third trimester of pregnancy now!  I can't wait to meet this little guy!

   Lately, I've been trying to accomplish a number of things before he comes, so I've been reading a ton and making plans to start and finish projects like this (I love the colors this lady uses in her projects!).  I have plans to finish Atlas Shrugged (I'm having second thoughts about this book), The Three Musketeers, and Jesus the Christ, and I am super grateful for a kindle and free books so I don't have to run to the library in this yucky weather!

   Physically, I have been doing well.  They say exercise is good for your body, but I have to say that exercise is doubly good for the pregnant body!  I have never had pain in tail bone area before pregnancy, but now I know that it is extremely unpleasant to not be comfortable standing, sitting, etc..  I have visited a chiropractor twice to get adjustments and advice on what to do specifically for this pain.  So I have to do a few specific stretches, and exercise regularly.  I have found that zumba videos on Youtube to be extremely helpful so I can exercise at home (my favorites are by Hot Z Team).  I also got a resistance band to help strengthen my muscles as well.

  I don't know what it is about food cravings, but people always ask what cravings I've had lately.  I can honestly say that I haven't had too many cravings that are extreme like pickles and ice cream.  I craved peanut butter for a while.  For instance, when strawberries were on sale for Valentine's day, I made several peanut butter and strawberry sliced sandwiches, and I loved chocolate banana peanut butter shakes.  I looked forward to eating salad the other day probably because I got some grape tomatoes and San Marino salad mix which I  don't buy very often.  That salad was incredibly satisfying.  I love fruit, and I also find my two pancakes with applesauce and eggs for breakfast delicious (I got so tired of toast because that's what I ate when I had morning sickness!).

  I am in love with watching my belly move.  I know it sounds weird, but I think seeing and feeling the baby move around inside of me is incredible (I know the movements will be more intense, but for now, I'll enjoy them).  When I went and saw my midwife last time, I asked how the baby was positioned.  Apparently, he's vertical (I'm not sure if he is bottom up or down), and I'm not sure how often that changes, but I thought he was lying horizontally because one night, I could feel him stretching against both sides of my abdomen.  It was one of the strangest feelings ever.  All I know is this little guy loves to move, and I am sure he will have lots of energy once he's born.

   I have a lot of gratitude for this baby.  I know that he is coming into our lives at a perfect time, and he is loved and welcomed by our family.  My grandfather isn't doing well as he has stomach cancer that doctors can't do much help him with.  Having this expected baby has really helped my grandparents by giving them something else to think about.  My Nana talks about the sewing projects she has worked on, and I think knowing my grandpa has a great-grandbaby on the way has helped him.  This is obviously really difficult for my family and me, but it does make life feel so much sweeter and precious.  This does make me appreciate families and the doctrine of eternal families taught by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  

  Anyway, I hope all is going well for you!
 

Pictures

  I came across these two pictures while I was organizing and de-cluttering my house yesterday.  Both pictures feature my grandmothers with babies.

My sister looks over at the photographer while my Grandma Packwood sits serenely with her.  I love this picture.  I love the peace about my grandmother's face.  The world moves on, but here, my grandmother sits quietly, content with a baby.

Sorry these pictures aren't the best quality!  

My mother lies peacefully in my Nana's arms.  I love the mischievous smile on my grandmother's lips.  I love this picture! I love that even though she is a mother, she is still herself.  The world moves on, but here my grandmother laughs and giggles, content with a baby.

I also love my Nana's hair and glasses in this picture!

22 Weeks

    Last night was exciting for me... well in relation to my pregnancy things have been really exciting for me lately.

   Last Wednesday, I saw my midwife and had a prenatal class as a part of appointment.  I received my results back from my latest ultrasound as well as my IPS screening.  Baby looks great and everything looks normal.  I'm glad I don't have to worry about potential problems or concerns as far as tubal defects or down syndrome.  Once again baby was not very cooperative when my midwife went to search for the heartbeat!  He kept moving around for several minutes, but it was nice to know that he is very active.  The prenatal class just made me laugh a little bit for a couple reasons.  I mean, it was kind of ironic that we were all shy in our discussion of discomforts.  A woman came in and gave some really great demonstrations on exercise and relaxation tips for pregnant women, but her tips for sleeping comfortably weren't very practical to me.  Essentially, you surround yourself in a nest of four pillows.  I kept thinking, "How do you do that when you have a smaller bed?  Or what if you move around a lot?"  Anyway, I enjoyed meeting with my midwife, but not so much the class.  Hopefully the next class on emotional changes will be more interesting.

   Saturday was a big day for us because we got a lot of baby items.  In the morning, I went to the store Once Upon A Child with a good friend who is due with her second baby a week before me.  She was much better at rolling clothes and stuffing them in her clearance bag than I was!  But I was happy with everything I got, and I was okay with not getting as many items as she got because I knew I would be receiving things from family and friends later on.  I just feel blessed to know that I could buy clothes for my kiddo(s) for a really good price later on.
   Later on Saturday, Greg and I went to an accounting professor's house for more goodies.  When Greg told me that this professor had some baby items, I thought it was just clothes and a baby bath, and I was incredibly excited about this.  No, we received more than that from this lovely person we barely know!  The number of items we got filled our car to the brim!  I am so impressed by the generosity of this person, and I hope that some day I can learn to be more generous to people around me.

   So my last exciting item of this post took place last night as I mentioned before.  Greg went to bed late, and kind of woke me up, but it was fine, I guess, since I had to use the bathroom anyway.  When I crawled back into bed, I could feel the baby actively move around.  Previously, when I would go to feel my belly with my hands after I had felt him move around, he would kind of stop.  (Thanks a lot!) But last night, he was letting me feel him move.  So I grabbed Greg's hand even though he was so tired, and I got to share the baby with him for the first time in this way.  To me, the moment was special because I have felt baby move around for a few weeks, but the baby's movements were much stronger to finally share with Greg.      

 
 

Clothes and activity mat we received from the angel professor. 

Clothes I bought from the store.  I got 22 items, I believe!  

The car seat we received also came with strollers!

A bath tub with lots of soaps that we also given to us! We also received two exersaucers (we have multiple floors, so it'll be nice to put baby down somewhere), a nursing pillow, a few toys, and some bottles (I plan on breastfeeding, but I may need to pump as well later on).

Thoughts on having a boy

First of all, we are thrilled that we are having a boy!!  (Greg won't actually say anything about his 'feelings', but I know he's happy to at least play with boy toys.)

I mean, one of the cool things about having a boy first is that we're following the Richins' trend of having a boy first.

  Around the time I had removed my IUD, I had dreams of a little girl, and I was so excited for her, and then we first decided to try for a baby, I had thought that we would have a little girl first based on those dreams.  However, when we learned that I was pregnant, I felt a bit sad because I felt that I wouldn't be having a girl.  When people would ask if I thought I was having a boy or a girl, I initially would say, "Well, I want a girl, but I think I'm having a boy." And then as my pregnancy progressed, I kept having dreams and strong impressions that we are having a boy.  Of course, I didn't always feel positive about these feelings (I'm such a doubting Thomas!), so I didn't say things like, "I know we're having a boy," but rather, "I think we're having a boy."  As I kept getting these feelings that I was carrying a boy, I felt happier with the idea of having a little boy.

  The frustrating part was when I would ask Greg about his guess on the gender, he wouldn't answer!  I know he likes to be right (thus the note I received after the ultrasound!), and not having a definitive way of knowing really bothered him.  About a week before the ultrasound, Greg started teasing me about knowing the gender, and he would say,"Are you excited to finally catch up to me about the baby's gender at the ultrasound?"  Pft.  Then, of course, he wouldn't reveal his 'knowledge' on the baby's gender.
  After like an hour of waiting on the technologist to finish doing measurements the baby, cervix, etc., we finally got to see the baby on the monitor!  Poor Greg had been waiting on me for a long time in the waiting room, and it was just a joyous moment for both of us to see the baby on the monitor.  The technologist started from his head and worked her way down the baby's body, so when we finally got to the lower half of the body, we could see the baby as if he was sitting down on a chair and we were looking up from the chair.  She didn't even say anything until I exclaimed, "Oh it's a boy?!"  She then answered, "Yup, it looks like it's a boy: the scrotum is here and the penis here."  I kind of wish we had that ultrasound image just to have the "proof", but Greg teased me about being a pervert for wanting that picture...   (I would share the ultrasound pictures, but you know what a baby looks like.  Plus, I didn't admire a couple of the images I received.  I know that I sound ungrateful, but I felt like they were slapped together.)
  After the ultrasound, Greg asked me to get a piece of paper out of his pocket.  The note said, "It's a boy.  And, yes, it's tough knowing everything all the time."  At the time, I thought this was Greg's actual guess, but after intense interrogation later on, I learned that Greg had TWO pieces of paper written out the night before.  I'm not sure what he did with the other paper, but I was kind of upset at him for tricking me into believing this was his actual guess on the gender of the baby.  Now I've just laughed it off, and it's just a funny part of the story.

  In case you are wondering, of the two boy names we have picked out, I immediately knew which of them would fit more with this little guy, and I think Greg agrees with me for now.  Although, we'll wait to officially name him once he's born!

Pregnancy update- 20 weeks

   I figure I should occasionally update people with how things are going with my pregnancy partially to satisfy curiosity and partially to help me remember this pregnancy.

     First of all, I have enjoyed this second trimester so much more than the first trimester.  I love being able to eat normally again!  It has taken a while for me to want to eat certain foods that made me sick in the first trimester, but man, it tastes like sweet, sweet victory being able to enjoy food again.  I was worried initially when I got into the second trimester that I would continue to have morning sickness because I had a horrible migraine shortly after entering the second trimester that caused me to vomit five times within like a 12-hour period, but fortunately, my body and baby love me.  After taking Tylenol on a couple of separate occasions and having the same reaction (vomiting), I guess I've learned that I can't handle Tylenol while pregnant, though.  I haven't had impressive cravings for anything in particular although I feel like I could always return south and eat burritos for several days.  

      While eating habits have improved, I have tried to improve my exercising habits.  My first trimester got me out of the habit of exercising regularly because I was exhausted and or felt sick quite often. Winter is a difficult time to improve this havit with the lovely below freezing temperatures, though, so I've been trying to do some exercises inside.  It's a good thing my job requires me to be on my feet and walk around, so I at least get some exercise in.  I've also tried to keep a food diary just to help me see what I'm eating every day.  While I don't have calories tracked, I do get to see that I am getting the nutrients I need and that I am not eating excessively, etc.
     The pictures below were taken at the beginning of my fifth month of pregnancy, and I did have to try a little to make that belly show... now I don't have to try anymore. Haha! When I went to my midwife appointment last month, I learned that I haven't gained weight with this pregnancy, but since the holidays took place and I'm further a long, I'm sure I may have gained  a few pounds.  My belly has definitely rounded out lately, and now I desperately need to buy some pants that I can actually button up soon!

It was snowing when we took this picture!  Greg didn't want to smile after taking off his coat... 

 

I love my handsome husband. 

     Greg and I are definitely thrilled about this pregnancy now that we've gotten over some of the initial shock. Although, sometimes the emotions I experienced when I saw the pregnancy test read positive are still the same: happy for potentially having a cute newborn, excited to become a parent, and completely terrified at the prospect of becoming a parent.  While we look forward to parenthood, I sometimes ask myself, "Is this all really happening because I feel like things aren't really happening?"  If it weren't for the occasional movements I have felt from the baby for the past couple of weeks, I think I would still question whether we were becoming parents in May.

  Now that I know for sure we are having a boy, I just feel like I can prepare a little bit more.  I've definitely prayed for guidance for raising a boy and I can be a good mom for him.  Like lots of expectant parents, I have also thought quite a bit about what kind of man he'll grow up to be.  I have felt empowered becoming an expectant parent by the idea that I can always rely on Heavenly Father for help.

Anyway, I'm excited to be half way through pregnancy!  It has definitely flown by so quickly!  

Sugar update

  I know it has been a while since I last blogged about this topic, but it was mostly because keeping a strictly no-processed sugar diet (when I mean no-processed sugar, I mean for all the foods out there) was quite difficult, and not as realistic as I thought it was (yay goals!) because making everything from scratch is time consuming and finding products that I would feel comfortable using is a pain and costly.  I had read stories about people being able to do it, but man, at this point in my life, this goal doesn't feel realistic.  Now that I am pregnant, and I am not always in the mood to cook, keeping that goal is much harder.
 But I recognized that I could handle low-processed sugar diet or just an occasional sweet indulgence without a lot of issues (when I mean low-processed sugar diet, I mean in terms for sweets/snacks--I still eat store-bought breads and pastas, etc.)  A lot of sugar consumed is difficult on my body because my body doesn't do well.  For instance, I thought, "What the heck it's Christmas time, and I will enjoy some sweets."  Bad idea. Even though I was trying to be judicious with the sweets I ate, I still ate more than my body was used to.  My emotions the past several days were crazy, and I knew it wasn't just pregnancy hormones.  I knew that I had exceeded my limit on sugar.  Now I have a hankering for sweets, and I get to wean myself off of from all of the sugary desires by making homemade sweets.  For now, I will be more realistic about this sugar goal and stick with the 80/20 rule.  Be good 80% of the time by using natural sweeteners, and take it easy now and again especially when coconut and chocolate have made themselves into a delicious combination... or even a chocolate and peanut butter. Yum.

P.S. I realize that restricting myself from processed sugar seems like a crazy, mean thing to do to myself, but when you feel better about yourself, you try to do things to maintain that feeling.